One step at a time, one step at a time

I could have achieved much in other areas but I have also come to the conclusion that nothing disturbs me more when I did not manage my classes so that effective learning may take place. So I decided to leave the school earlier than expected today, wrung by my own inner demons and to escape from the chaos in my mind.

There are times when I would like to be firm, strict and angry when things get a little chaotic and disrupting because I know that these kids need guidance so that they can achieve much more in their academic results. Yet the other side of me tells me that there are things we cannot capped because after working with kids for quite a while I also see needs that go beyond the desire to achieve academic excellence. One kid sensed the shift in equilibrium in me as I faced my own dilemmas in class. I think I am being more demanding this year, not only on myself but also on my students. .... I could be punishing myself because I feel that some of my kiddos of 2007 could have achieved more if perhaps I have been more firm. Or would they?

Someone said I am being too hard on myself. Maybe I am and perhaps like someone mentioned, since I could never be fierce enough or for long anyway, what I need is go back to my own mantra of basics.
How to be fierce when their sheepish and apologetic looks upon "angry" reminders brought me internal sighs and a self-loathing reminder that I can do better than this. I guess I will work harder to find my own peace in the chaos as I once had. Mmm.. and it's time to think out of my little box again and create more fun stuff!!