Class Adv Camp

The heart felt leaden with work today for so much has accumulated over the two days gone. It is scary when you felt the impulse to just walk away, willing for some peace and rest but you realised you can't because there is still work and CCA which is going to stretch into the evening today and there is no one to swap for the next one week or so for my partner is on mc recuperating from an operation. At one point i thought why my kids never stop and think if the teacher need rest but would just go on and on with their training, sometime forgetting to inform the teachers when they ended. Then I let the thought go because it was after all season time and the next game is really crucial and I want them to push themselves too. So I decided I would just let myself drag my heart and my feet home today.
I think I am just being very grumpy and frustrated with the lack of sleep that obscured proper thought processes since I could not sleep yesterday until quite late, trying to sort out recommendation letters, exams and some surprises. So why am I here writing this when I should be in bed? Because the heart wants to say before further fatigue kills it that it had enjoyed the class camp at Ubin. Even though the aftermath is torturing it but it has not regretted going for it, placing it high on the priority list to be with a bunch of L people.

I read the feedback forms this afternoon and I am glad that the camp has been an enjoyable experience for my class, be it overcoming personal challenges, learning new things about others or environment. Personally I have always enjoyed such outdoor trips for they teaches/reminds me much about myself, life skills and to get to know pple around me better. Although I brought many silly games along in my bag but I never did bring them because I truly enjoyed those times spent sitting around, talking about life, school and random stuff even though sometimes I felt a bit like an old foggey.

Those noodles with fishballs and carrots the class cooked were great even though I really cannot eat much. the time when I have to carry jelly can and help pitch tents upon arrival. those times when we paddle along the shore and down into the river. those times when I had to nag and frown. those times when I had to laugh. those times when I am in deep thought.
To my kiddos, I felt that I should apologize as well. All my nagging on learning points and wishes for you to be this and that. Really, it wasn't because I did not enjoy the whole experience because I really do and I am glad for the company. I guess it was insecurity and fear calling. Fear that my students are going to leave the nest next year without sufficient life skills, without the essential awareness & sensitivity, without realising that they can choose to do more/better.
Geez.... I need more patience.
Work or not, I am glad that I did go and found out so much scandals and gossips. =)



*afterthought: I forgot about the Patience I used to have
In my dealing with kids outside, it has never been about the end point but the process ... how very true. I shall take my time to explore as well.