Painful Eyes

I have not been updating this blog because 1) no question was really asked these days 2) too busy 3) too tired, even when thoughts ran round and round in the mind.

But today, I can take a short breather =)
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It was the PTM some weeks ago. I am having amnesia now so I cannot remember when that was. After that day, a student asked me if I have any interesting encounters but while I did not, my colleague did. It is hard when a parent breaks down in front of you when you discuss about the less than ideal grades and you totally understand their plight. The youth we are dealing with are entering a phase of self-determined independence (and sometimes self-delusion) and to the parents, all communication has abruptly come to a halt. And you totally understand the haplessness they felt because on this side of the fence, I felt the exact same thing too when I looked at some of my students and it can be depressing. Yet for the parents, it is a lifelong commitment while for the teacher, it will be a phase. I think my paternity instinct are kicking in too strongly.

Then you get the usual concerns of late-nights, less sleep and too much commitments. I find myself mulling over my replies especially when I remembered myself once exhibiting the very same behaviour. Not that long ago.


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Why M I Here In School?

I did not expect myself to return to RJ but then I am back.
This is not the first time my students asked me, but why did I become a teacher? There are actually many reasons.
I was at this committee outing recently and I found a kindred spirit in my beliefs. I don't think my time in JC was the best of my life. In fact, it was fraught with much frustrations and confusion. Except for a few, I did not think that my teachers were particularly helpful in enlightening me - perhaps the common takeway was that all of us will somehow make it in the end and I supposed we all did but not without great struggle which for some, still came too late. when I was in school, I always felt that gap in content which generates this unfulfilling feeling within becaues something just does not link (although when I examined it now, I realised that something cannot really be done in details at this level although the idea has been introduced) - look it at it this way, I can spend hours trying to understand the uncertainity principle for chemistry when it isn't required at all and hooray, there was no internet or some miraculous database you can draw from. Thus I enjoyed my Uni life when things start to fall into place nicely, when I can integrate the knowledge of all my sciences.

So for one of the many reasons, I am back here in hope to help my students see the light, to break things down so that they can see the beauty and simplicity of a subject, and to fill in the gaps that leave one frustrated. I recognise the struggles that some of us WILL go through and I hope none of you will fall into my footsteps.
I know I am probably not doing the greatest job in the world but I am trying, drawing from all my past experiences. N I tell you, it is very frustrating and almost heart-breaking when the person you would like to help, makes the decision to refuse the hand and lives in self-delusion.
Let's not forget that while we rave about our successes, there will be a handful which did not cross that finishing line at the end of the day with the rest of us.

Then on the other hand, I have very inspiring teachers in my primary and secondary schools. People who did make a difference in my life or at least I am consciously aware of their influences on me, whether in content or character. (This is not to say that all my teachers during those time were all tops, there were some which bear averse effects and thus the stark contrast). N when u recognise the impact of a teacher during those growing years, you worry about those after you. Will they be lucky enough to get teachers who recognise their worth, be it in academics studies or otherwise? Or will they be driven to the deepest doldrums with punishing and flippant words. Of course, we can never please eveyone. All of us confess to our falliable traits which may manifest at all the wrong but a pat of all who even try.

But really, I did not see myself coming back. But now that I am back I have another purpose which I should not rumble on for now because I am tired.