thanks coach

Last night was the 60th bday celebration for my softball coach for his 21st years of service with Raffles. Tributes were made, generations of softballers came down, and it was an emotional affair for him. I was the only representative from my batch and it did feel a little lonely. I mingled with ex-students, ex-teammates, ex-teachers-in-charges. But at the end of the day, I realised that I had forgotten to get a gift for coach because my roles get a little confused over the years. with nothing but sincerity, I went up to my coach, representing my batch mates, thanking him for all that he had done during our formative years. I told him that I have always been the quiet one, and still is. So we shook hands in our expression of appreciation but he never let go as we talked about several other things. I guess we were both not men of many words. Thank you coach, we were the first batch of softballers whom you saw through for 6 years. Thank you for giving me the space to step up my game, never scolding me when I fell short of your expectations and giving me some of the highlights of my student life. I may be a fairly strong player in my time but I never had the fire for competition. Thank you for understanding. Through you, we learnt more than just the game but also the tenacity, resilience and comradeship. Your efforts and words have never been forgotten. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Starting all over again? Really?

So to this site I return after 2 years, with all its memories still hanging around in bytes that reminds me of a time long past. Maybe it wasnt all that long ago in physical time but relativistically speaking, yes. I felt much older, more world-weary as I begun to shoulder the mundane responsibilities of a more rooted life. Or perhaps it was the uncontented and unsettled me struggling from a little dark corner, ruffling up the ebbs of life. I think I may be a little depressed. My ex-colleague said that when he went to work in UK for a couple of months in a research lab, he felt depressed for 6 months upon return. The stifling working climate, the rigidity etc. I was away for more than 2 years on my own, living a life of exploration and challenges. It wasn't easier when I first got back to school and while it is better now, there are times when I feel still in a limbo. So I told my friends not to contact me, leave me alone so that I may hibernate and get back my sense of being. Leaving behind a set of dreams and someone in another foreign land, I soldier on. I was encouraged to write a paper for my recent work because of its potential for future academic discussions and a topic close to my heart. Ground-breaking one professor said. I had wanted to do that this holiday but was beseiged by endless marking day after day. Before I knew it, it is Saturday and another set of paper still awaits but I will let it wait a little longer. Frankly, I don't remember the details of this holidays at all, except the late nights and the weariness. Yes, I am back into the game and is desperately trying to fit in again, and quickly. I was reliving those days of sleep deficiency and crazy marking, especially during the last week of school this term, when every day is about getting home at 6-7pm,have dinner, take a nap for an hour or so before working all the way until 2-3am. Such a crazy routine. A newbie life no less as I found myself working in a new system, new syllabus, new bunch of students. It was also amazing how when the heart aches at times, we can push it to one side and try to get the immediate work done.Is that why people turn to work as a coping mechanism for a sense of loss, for an imagined sense of achievement? sometimes, those who laugh the most, understand sadness the best. A new school and a new environment. I need to hit the restart button, get into the groove proper and reach out with the heart so that it does not stay caged. Weeks of observation (of the students, colleagues and system) have gone by, it is about time to move on and address it all with my core sense of being. To guide, to help and to have fun. I hope to laugh much again, as I had once done and dispel the moodiness readily on its visits. Life is more than just me. so we can smile and laugh with life. slowly but surely.

to Levi with an old friend

It has been more than 10 years since we last sit down and have a deep conversation. And it was 4 years ago when we last met up for dinner.
When we finally met again in Rovaniemi on Friday, we realise that none of us has changed much (except for more white hair, less elastic skin and less energy for adventurous sports) and still had so much to talk about even though we had been apart for so long. HC realised that I am speaking in a foreign English but also noted how quickly I switched to local style after a night of chatting. totally cool lah! :)

I had always admired HC for his inner strength and resolution. I am not sure if I had ever written about him before on this blog but he was the one with only $2 in his pocket and had reach a stage in his financial status (while studying in university) to decide whether to eat lunch or not. He always worked hard for his goal and is a friend I can depend on. His health has suffered recently and he will be on long-term treatment. It sadden me that such fate befalls him but at the same time I admire his optimism over it even though I know he must have struggled with it through the initial stage. It must also be difficult not to be able to tell your parents about it... HC, my dear friend, take care until we meet again. Maybe in an Irish pub in London.

thanks G

This long overdue post goes out to 3G who were threatened by Mr Ngan to write notes for me. :P. I received them the day before CNY's eve and it was with smiles and laughter when I read through them a few times. Thanks people! I have blue-tacked them on my wall and your video still continues to bring me much cheers :P.
Stalking is mutual yah? Those PE shots were excellent! Remember to send in your micelle pic if there is another bio wk!

We just started the Spring break but things continue to be busy. I am currently trying to sort out my Master thesis, seek out an internship as part of my course and plan for an exchange next Spring. All the administrative work...eeks!
But something really exciting for me will be the opportunity to teach in a Finnish secondary school next term. How will the kids be like? What am I going to teach? While I am still working on the latter, the idea of laughing in class is intoxicating!! Muahahaha! Can't wait!


Oh, and I caught the northern lights !!!!! hippee!!! not once but twice! :) Don't be too jealous :)

INFJ.ME

INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood.

This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.