Starting all over again? Really?

So to this site I return after 2 years, with all its memories still hanging around in bytes that reminds me of a time long past. Maybe it wasnt all that long ago in physical time but relativistically speaking, yes. I felt much older, more world-weary as I begun to shoulder the mundane responsibilities of a more rooted life. Or perhaps it was the uncontented and unsettled me struggling from a little dark corner, ruffling up the ebbs of life. I think I may be a little depressed. My ex-colleague said that when he went to work in UK for a couple of months in a research lab, he felt depressed for 6 months upon return. The stifling working climate, the rigidity etc. I was away for more than 2 years on my own, living a life of exploration and challenges. It wasn't easier when I first got back to school and while it is better now, there are times when I feel still in a limbo. So I told my friends not to contact me, leave me alone so that I may hibernate and get back my sense of being. Leaving behind a set of dreams and someone in another foreign land, I soldier on. I was encouraged to write a paper for my recent work because of its potential for future academic discussions and a topic close to my heart. Ground-breaking one professor said. I had wanted to do that this holiday but was beseiged by endless marking day after day. Before I knew it, it is Saturday and another set of paper still awaits but I will let it wait a little longer. Frankly, I don't remember the details of this holidays at all, except the late nights and the weariness. Yes, I am back into the game and is desperately trying to fit in again, and quickly. I was reliving those days of sleep deficiency and crazy marking, especially during the last week of school this term, when every day is about getting home at 6-7pm,have dinner, take a nap for an hour or so before working all the way until 2-3am. Such a crazy routine. A newbie life no less as I found myself working in a new system, new syllabus, new bunch of students. It was also amazing how when the heart aches at times, we can push it to one side and try to get the immediate work done.Is that why people turn to work as a coping mechanism for a sense of loss, for an imagined sense of achievement? sometimes, those who laugh the most, understand sadness the best. A new school and a new environment. I need to hit the restart button, get into the groove proper and reach out with the heart so that it does not stay caged. Weeks of observation (of the students, colleagues and system) have gone by, it is about time to move on and address it all with my core sense of being. To guide, to help and to have fun. I hope to laugh much again, as I had once done and dispel the moodiness readily on its visits. Life is more than just me. so we can smile and laugh with life. slowly but surely.