It finally jumped out, delivered in a mix-bag of sadness and relief.
Relief because it has been a weight on my mind for a while, unable to share and always trying to find the right moment. I wanted to let my R know during class camp but they were having such a good time that the moment never came. Then I realised perhaps there will never be a right moment.
Sadness because when it was out, it felt so real. I wasn't ready for it and wished I had more time instead of the short intermission to talk to R. But on hindsight, it was for the better before words get choked.
I am going to miss them more now after the class camp. Did they realise that they are a great bunch as one?
So the heart was a little squashed today.
Broke the news to all my classes. It is true. Saying farewell was not easy but at this age, I also know that it is not wise to leave your goodbye at the very end.
The only consolation is in knowing that even if I stay this year, I wouldn't be able to stay until the end of next year to witness their graduation.
Half-way through the day, I realised that being a teacher also means that even when you felt a little battered and wanted to sit down somewhere to contemplate, you still have to continue to ensure the smooth running of events for the students
---
I started the year tentatively,wary about getting too involved with the classes in case I do go off (after sending in my application in Jan) but it was difficult to keep that distance and not wanting to know them better. When the acceptance came as a surprise three wks ago, I wished that I could have done even more and better.
----
Coming to the end of the week.
Like any other time, we have to make the best out of what ever we have.
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In Groove with Life
***** A site for my classes because life goes beyond prescribed text and there is so much to share and to learn. And of course, since lessons are often punctuated with hysterical laughter and incoherent mind flow, here is a venue to organise my thought processes.
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3 comments:
Dear Mr. Chan,
Perhaps it's different for me cause I started out knowing that I'm gonna have to give them up near the middle of the year, but the feeling of sadness mixed with happiness for my classes today when I had the last lesson really felt quite like something different from other feelings I've experienced so far.
I guess we all know that letting go would be the inevitable, but somehow here and there's actually so much more that I could actually have done for them better for them, like perhaps I might have managed the class better if I started off differently with them? Would I have made lessons more interesting if I didn't forget to show them this video? ...):
Hahah the no time to think part's so true! But I guess we're at so different levels heh>.< At least I got more time than you considering that full time teachers are all so madly busy:O
Something on the side, I think being a teacher really makes sbd feel one should be a better person, and somehow facing your students makes you just want to help them in the best way possible. But that's so contradictory of wat happens most of the time in the real world right? So I'm thinking would Mr. Chan become less nice after the two years hmmm... Heehee. At least it's only two years! Are you going back to teaching afterwards?
Sighhh okay I should go down to marymount to find you one day:D
Yajie
Yajie,
I don't think it has to be different in the so-called real world. One can still choose to give and expect less. It is only when we try to balance out the loss and gain in economical terms that we experience pain. =)
i don't intend to change who I am but I intend to change others :)
(((:
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