counting down

even though I had totally no concept of time and date, I suddenly realised that my time with the classes and the staffrm will come to an end very soon.
With so many things still on the plate, the end is blocked by the piles in front of me.There is so much I want to teach, so much things I want to do in school, to be there for people, to bring some laughs to an intense environment that I felt a little guilty at leaving them all behind, the dreams and the hopes I held in the education system.

When I was (much) younger, I wanted to go away, leaving everything behind to explore a new world. I saw the excitement on my friends' faces when they left while I saddened by their departure, I thought to myself then that I do not want to be the one left behind. But now that the role has reversed, I realised there is a nagging hurt even for the one who leave. Maybe it is an age thing because when you are younger you have less baggage in life or maybe because I was simply contented where I was.
Still, while the heart was feeling a little overwhelmed, the lagging mind realised that the move is logical and for the better, and a rare opportunity not to be missed.
So the mind will drag the heart along like the plasma membrane dragging and separating the replicated bacterial chromosomes. But I guess eventually things will be set right. there is no right or wrong but just a change.

The Sensei has to forge ahead and do what he always advised the students. Be brave!

But I realised I did slow down in these few weeks so much so that I can feel the songs I listen to. No longer are they background music to accompany me while clearing work but suddenly, they touched me again like they once did in past. Sharing one that goes way back:



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Stayed up almost the entire night (except for 2 hours of sleep) to sort out the powerpoint. It was amazing that I managed to stay awake all the way for lessons and lectures until 6pm before I gave up, packed my work and went home. I think I am getting too old for such endurance test. Crashed at home for 2 hours and now am up and running again. One more to go.